if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
