You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
