He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
