Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
