if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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