Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
