He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
