i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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