i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
40s are totally the cure
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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