Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
