That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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