watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
