Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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