4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
