The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
