you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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