I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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