So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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