May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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