like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
