I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
