well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
