Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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