even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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