i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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