I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
