Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
