I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
