Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
