All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
