dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
