no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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