ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
