OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
