covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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