Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
