Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
