Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
