I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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