i don't like sucking hair
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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