dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
