my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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