dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
