chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
