Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
