Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
