my sisters under your porch take her home
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
