he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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