i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
