My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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