I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
