Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
