Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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